well it's been months since i last wrote in this, and i'm starting to wonder why i don't write in this more often. it's kinda sad that i'm really only on this because myspace is currently not working, but what else is there to do on the internet, right? lol

well, i just reread the last entry i wrote about. it's about the ex. ::sigh:: although i'm glad to say that part of my life is over, at the same time i can't help but be sad at the same time. it's kinda hard when you've been with someone for so long. my longest relationship ended so badly. i always thought that even if we didn't end up together, we'd at least be friends and stuff. but, alas, i don't think that's going to happen. it makes me sad because he knows me better than i know myself, and i feel like there's a huge hole in my life.

so for the past couple of months i've been trying to fill that hole with other things. drinking, going out with friends and even dates with cute boys, but nothing seems to fill that void that i so obviously feel is ever-present. it's hard to explain, but it's there. i try to put up a front and pretend like everything's ok, but i miss him terribly. some people can see through this fake charade of smiles and laughter. they know that i'm hurting inside. sometimes i wonder if i will ever find someone that completes me as well as he did. i really thought he was the one. i have no one to blame but myself. i truly believe that i sabotaged that relationship due to my fear of commitment. it was getting too serious. we exchanged keys, he wanted to open a savings account together.... we were discussing the future. and i freaked, plain and simple.

i think the obvious thing is to move on, and hope for the best.

i just wish i didn't miss him so.

in other news. so far the summer has been full of bbq's, bars, clubs, random nights, and lots o'eating. meeting new people is fun, and i'm becoming a friendlier person, i hope haha.
and there's work. i've gotten closer to some of my coworkers, esp. my espy, jamie, and adri. they truly make the day go by faster, and we have a blast together. i can honestly say i love my job, esp. when they're around.

i dunno. summer's almost over, and i have lots of more "fun" awaiting me. i just hope i can enjoy it. honestly enjoy it.

mood of the day:: drained
jammin' to:: justin timberlake- sexy back

today is just another day. yet valentine's day is special to so many people. if you have that special someone in your life. if you don't it's just a painful reminder of being single, and why there isn't someone to share the day with. it's not really that big a deal though. relationships are so fickle. people are flaky and change their minds so often, that they confuse love with infatuation. for those of you who actually get to enjoy the day.... enjoy it. for those who are single, it's not the end of the world. For those who are in between, there will be a future with or without that person.

i hate being cynical, but it's what i've learned so far.

my agenda for the night: work. maybe a post-valentine's day dinner.
but i don't want to see people unhappy. JUST SMILE =]
love is right around the corner...

mood of the day:: bored
jammin' to:: chester bennington - let down

I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Remember waiting there to find nothing at all
I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Waiting there to find nothing at all
"the ataris"- the saddest song

words can't even begin to describe how i feel right now. i think i'm going through a self-destructive phase.
i have some things to sort out in my life.

jammin' to:: the early november - everynight's another story

Name Four Bad Habits You Have:
1. compulsive shopping
2. procrastination
3. random short-lived crushes
4. mouthing people off

Name Four Things That You Wish You Could Have:
1. a baby blue jag
2. a single winning lotto ticket for $10 million
3. my own place
4. 4.0 GPA

Name Four Scents You Love:
1. grandma's cooking
2. men's cologne
3. fresh laundry
4. cigars

Name Four People That Know You the Best:
1. Bobby
2. Saul
3. melanie
4. Matt

Name Four Things You’d Never Wear:
1. anything hot pink or lime green
2. hats.
3. thong bikini
4. anything dirty or grimey

Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now:
1. need to exercise
2. feet, back, and neck hurt like whoa
3. how cute angel is [work]
4. how messy my room is

Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
1. woke up at 10
2. read my book
3. gonna work out
4. need to tan

Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought:
1. iced tea
2. gas
3. another coach bag
4. clothes for moi

Name Four Bands/Groups You Like:
1. incubus
2. unloco
3. linkin park
4. my chemical romance

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
1. snapple
2. water
3. orange juice
4. apple martinis

mood of the day:: enthralled
jammin' to:: Fall Out Boy - Dance, Dance

mood of the day:: crazy
jammin' to:: the mars volta- the widow

mood of the day:: mischievous
jammin' to:: velvet revolver- fall to pieces